On why Im not telling my children, to not have sex.
Did the title draw you in?
Its honestly everywhere.
I was watching the Billboard Music Awards last night and made the mistake of turning it on when the kids were awake. Brittany's first song used the word bitch about 50 times and she was basically wearing nothing.
It got me thinking.
I remember the first time my mom told me about sex. I was 8. We were driving home from Kelowna after visiting my grandma. I personally didn't need to know about it at that age and Im still unsure about how and why it all came about, but I know for certain my mothers main concern in my life was that I was going to get pregnant out of wedlock and have a baby with someone who wasn't "who the Lord chose for me." ( As if there is a list in heaven whom should be matched up with whom.)
That, and the following discussion, was the only time we ever talked about it.
She told me, in my early teen years that I wasn't going to have sex outside of marriage, that I would break Gods heart if I did and I would basically let the whole world down.
Well, cue the let down because it happened.
And honestly it was incredibly uneventful…as most firsts are.
I was 20. It was with a guy I was dating, who turned into being 6 years of mistakes and heartbreak and cheating and lying and a pornography addiction. His life was troubled.
Here is the application...
I wish that as a teenager, our home would have been a safe place for me to talk about sex without judgement and condemnation and fear.
I think if I would have been able to understand Gods true plan for sex in marriage and the importance it holds for the future of your marriage, I probably wouldn't have made some of the choices I did.
Instead I was told to not do it, for the wrath of God would surely come down on me strong, with fire and judgement and death. (Basically.)
Something happens when you tell a teenager not to do something. When you try to fear them into things, instead of trusting them (and yourself) that you have raised them with the knowledge they need to make the right decisions.
It backfires hard…and to be honest, my mother still doesn't trust me with the decision I have made or am making in my life and the lives of my children/and marriage.
I do a lot of thinking about my kids and their future and if they will choose college, marriage, careers, the farm… all of it.
I think about how I want to set up my life to live out my mandate as a mother and to teach my children, without fear, how to navigate through this world as followers of Christ.
And its an unknown path.
We don't know who our children will grow into or if they will make choices that are healthy for them. But I firmly believe that we need to give our children the tools and knowledge to make an informed decision and then trust them a little bit more, and doubt them a little bit less.
When we operate our homes with trust and security it teaches our children to live out their lives the same.
Whether it be sex, or education, or traveling or raising their own families… We need to equip, educate, trust and support them in the choices they make. As I have learned... doubt brews more doubt, fear houses more fear, threatening with judgement makes for rebellion and self hatred.
If we can watch sex on T.V., we surely can talk about it in our homes, with our children, without judgement and without fear.
Im going to teach my children that sex isn't bad.
That it is a God created gift to us.
That sex in marriage is something so beyond sex with strangers.
But more so…
That trust and love and relationship always win.
That God is for us, and not against us.
In everything we do, may we teach our children without using fear, guilt or shame.