My Son.

His name will be Rowan Lawrence Swaan. He will be born in June, 2011.

He will only have half a heart.

I dont know if you are a parent reading this, or perhaps a parent to be one day. But once you find out you are having a baby, your world changes. As many of you might have known, we have not had an easy pregnancy. There have been troubles and turmoil since day one. All for this little bundle inside of me, Rowan.

Yesterday was the mid point ultrasound for us. We waited anxiously for our appointment as new parents do, to find out if we were having a boy or a girl. We enter into the room and are set up on their machines, and we see our son so clearly for the first time. He is ours, and we are his.

The tech quickly moves to his heart. The screen only shows two beating chambers. I sit there with tears welling up in my eyes...knowing from biology there should be four. I look at the cardiologist and he looks at me, and for a moment time freezes. "There is a problem with the babys heart."

A heart. A tiny little heart. The heart of my son.

We were escorted into a conference room where the cardiologist informed us that Rowan has something called HLHS, Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. This means that Rowan only has half of his heart...the right half. The left side of his heart does not exist.

This is something that affects 1% of babies born. We are that 1%.

Rowan will have to have three major open heart surgeries. The first surgery to put a shunt in his heart, between 3-7 days. The second open heart surgery to connect an artery to the heart, at six months. The third open heart surgery at the age of 3 to have the heart connected completely to his little lungs.

HLHS children born before 1990 were left to die in the arms of their parents. The first surgery for children like this was performed in 1993. Most of the test patients are only 18-19 years old....some still living, others taken away. The success rate for Rowan is high as he has a few things going for him, he has a really large aortic artery which will help during the recovery of the surgery. Second, he has nothing else wrong with him...his brain, spinal cord, lungs, etc are all in tact and are growing at the right pace without problems.

Now you may think this sounds so hopeful. I have to agree that yesterday was a hopeful day.

But last night was a dark, burdensome night.

I lay there rocking back and forth, crying so hard, that my lungs felt like they were going to explode. Screaming out, "my son, my son, my baby." As you sit here and read this, you will not understand the pain and agony of this situation for us. I cannot sleep, I cannot eat, I cannot exist, I cannot live, if I do not have my son. We prayed so hard last night, tears flowing down both our faces, telling God we cannot bear to loose him. We cannot lose a child. It is too much for us to bear.

The outcome of three open heart surgeries before the age of three is about 50/50 as some stats from the States are saying. Our doctors think that it is more like 80% for Rowan based on a new cardiac surgeon that has come to Childrens Hospital in Vancouver. We also read that, 70% of children that live, will live to the age of five. We do not know how long Rowan will be with us. He could live only a few days, enough to make it through the first surgery. He might live a few months to make it though the second surgery. He might live a few years to make it through the third surgery, but after that we do not know. Rowan will never have a complete heart...and it is a matter of working with what he does have. We pray and hope he lives till he is old and grey, but will take each day of his life as it is...a gift of life from God above.

As I feel him kick and wiggle inside of me, I cry. I cannot bear to think that his life be altered by such a thing. The heart of a mother breaks to know that you child is not well...but to this magnitude, my heart is crushed.

I am asking you, please please please pray for our son. We have four months for a miracle to happen. We have four months to pound the doors of heaven on behalf of Rowan, to ask for a full heart, and if it is not Gods will to do so, then at least that he allow Rowan to live a long and healthy life! Please help us by offering up a prayer for our son....

With love,
Lori and Jeremy