Blah- guh.
Well, cyber world....
It feels like forever since these barely brave hands have typed words to throw out into universe....
But I am back at it.
The title of this blog is blah- guh. Because this is exactly how I feel.
Have you ever just been in a spot in your life where there seems no end to the lack of motivation, the countless hours of non -sleep, the countless hours of day time sleep to compensate for lack of night time rest, tears in the shower, tears doing dishes, tears putting clothes on, where you have so many goals in your head for one day and yet none of them come into fruition?
Ah yes, I know some of you must know this journey I am on.
While driving home from dropping a friend off, I heard one of my favourite songs on the radio..."Less Like Scars..." By Sara Groves. I was so quickly reminded that this mind space won't last forever... (right???) and that the more I let the one true God into my scars, the more they turn out to look more like character.
I have to say that this was a fleeting thought though because... if you are a Christian, you know how hard it is sometimes...to believe in such things unseen....
But, I haven't given up on God yet, because he has not given up on me.
I am still here.
I am still beating.
I am standing.
and praying that this journey turns out to look less like scars and more like... (gulp!) character.
Peace and blessings readers...
Lori xo
Happy to see you back at it, Lor...our screens are blessed and better off because of your words that you send out into the universe. We are here. And we are listening. What you say matters.
ReplyDeleteOh lor, it's good to hear from you again! I have always loved that song. So beautiful.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you are deep in the midst of grieving....as you should be. May God have mercy on you this Christmas season. I am sure it will be extra hard.... thinking of you and praying.
xo
Hello, Lori. I'm Steffanie Blouin's older sister, Dominique. I was just checking up on Facebook when I noticed her comment to your post about the autopsy, and I felt a tug on my heart to look at your profile - or at least, the part of it that's public. I saw your website link which led me here, and I've just finished reading Rowan's story ...
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you know of my little nephew, Kai Christopher - another heart-baby delivered into the world (and ultimately into Eternity) at Children's this past January. I was blessed to have been with him 3 times in his short 2 weeks, and every moment was so precious to me. Reading Rowan's story brought back the pain I remember feeling when Kai died. People don't really think about how a baby's death can affect the other family members, but as his Auntie I can tell you that the pain is still very real, although I'm healing daily thanks to God's grace ... and thanks to His patience with my doubts about His goodness sometimes, you know what I mean?
I wanted to tell you that I won't forget Rowan.
I've never met you or Jeremy, but I understand firsthand the importance of remembering those little ones who leave us too soon. I have a 3-part MP3 file I'd love to email to you from a series I own called "Heaven Made Real" and it brought me great comfort after we lost Kai. In it, the pastor explains the relationship between heaven and children and I've never heard it put more eloquently. I already knew that Kai was with Jesus, but this pastor's approach just confirmed it. Let me know if this interests you at all.
My email address is perc_lady@shaw.ca, or you can find me on Facebook. Either way, I just wanted you to know that I was thinking about your Rowan tonight, and praying for his parents. God bless you both.
Dominique Bernath.